How to Deal with Emotionally Explosive People ISBN13: 9780071385695Condition: NewNotes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! 100% Satisfaction Guarantee. Tracking
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In his international bestseller, Dinosaur Brains, psychologist Albert J. Bernstein told readers how to deal with difficult people at work. Now, in a groundbreaking new book, Bernstein tackles a more serious problem that profoundly affects the lives of millions of people: walking time bombs.
How do you help a friend who explodes into panic attacks?
What do you say when a depressed family member bursts into tears?
How do you protect yourself when a stranger blows up in your face?
Too often, our choices make matters worse. But it isn't our fault. All that we feel, and much of what we hear directs us to defend the fearful, comfort the sad, and talk sense to the angry, regardless of the utter futility of these well-meaning actions.
Moment to moment, people with mental disorders stand at the crossroads between getting better and getting worse. For disorders to heal, medicine, psychotherapy, the encouragement of friends, and the kindness of strangers must all point explosive people toward a single direction.
- People with anxiety disorders must turn and face their fear rather than running away
- Depressed people cannot wait to feel better to do the things that will make them feel better
- Angry people have to recognize that anger is something they do, not a reaction to what is done to them
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Commonly question about How to Deal with Emotionally Explosive People
How can I deal with my explosive rage?I feel like I am stuck -emotionally-, like I am between two walls and can t get out or move. Lately, I have been more violent and angry than I have ever been. I just feel like smashing someones face in with a bat or just kill someone. When anyone crosses me, I yell at them and hit them with my fist or an object close to me. I come across cold and vicious. I can t go through a day without getting into fights. I hate it, I feel like everything that pisses me off just adds to it. I can t get the anger out of me no matter what I do. I have tried exercising, but I just get pumped with adrenaline which adds to my anger.
I use to be able to hide it, but now...I just explode and I think one day, I may end up killing someone, people.
I have seen counselors for it, but they are no help. My mother even dragged me to a mental institute as I threatened to kill her, but they said they can t do anything.
How can I relieve my anger? Don t give me any religious crap or meditation crap.
Please, ONLY mature and serious answers.
You might want to take a personality disorder test. Narcissistic, Borderline or Anti-social Personality Disorders can all be disorders that can have conflict and rage like you are speaking of - all of which have NOT responded very well to treatment which may be what the mental institute already knows as many psychiatrists and therapists do not want Borderline Personalities as patients because of their on and off rage and conflict levels and lack of follow-through and total commitment to their therapy. Narcissistic Personalities usually belittle people and don;t think they need fixing and wil rage of someone suggest that they are anything less than perfect. Anti-social personalities are psychopaths and sociopaths and treatment does no good at all and is not even offered except in prisons. There is also Intermittent Explosive Disorder, but I think you should look at Borderline Personality Disorder. Honestly, mood stabilizers like Zyprexa or others may be your best bet. They tend to reduce rage and still let the good parts of you to continue on. They "quiet the mind" as your mood probably dictates how short your fuse is or isnt.
Take a test for Borderline Personality Disorder and others here:
Your best bet for rage and conflict like you describe is the right mood stabilizer AND THEN some talk therapy to discuss what you are mad about inside. It may be an absence of a father, abuse or abandonment of some type.
Source(s):Wife has Borderline Personlaity Disorder and she rages and has tried to kill me and has attempted to batter me.
Does anyone know/love someone with Intermittent Explosive Disorder? (Please read)?I ll try to make this as short as possible-basically I met a guy in late 2006, we ve been friends ever since. We both had pretty much the same sense of humor and he always made me laugh, and vice versa. As time went on we got closer and closer, and we soon fell for each other and admitted those feelings. Apart from having the IED, he also has jealousy and sensitivity issues. As time has gone on his IED has gotten worse and worse..to the point where it s more rare that he s NOT having an outburst. The stress he s in from other issues that arose recently make it even worse as well. (We were in a long distance relationship this entire time, so that adds more stress to the mix, but he ended things due to all of his stress and issues from other stuff.) However, we stayed in contact every day and are still completely in love, neither of us want to be apart. Last night he got so upset with me that he repeatedly said harsh things, such as "I don t want you" and "I don t even want to think about you" before signing off on me, then deleting me off his myspace list. (I know, I know..it s just myspace, but remember..I said long distance. We don t have other ways of communication, I can t just drive or walk to his house or something.)
If it helps, he s 19 and the disorder is prevalent in his family, his dad has it and so did his great grandfather I believe. What I m asking is, is anyone else married to someone with IED, or in love with someone? Or has someone else in their family with it? How do you deal with it? How long did it take you to really understand how to help and cope with it? I had gotten good at it but as he s gotten worse, it s become harder for me to deal with. He says really hurtful things which I know he doesn t mean, but he s so far away...I m scared that he could just cut me off for good. I need help.
I m not insensitive about it, I m never mean to him and I d never purposely set him off or do anything to really hurt him. He s just extra sensitive with me because we are emotionally attached. I want to try to not take it so personally but how can I not when he s saying all of this stuff to me, then signs off on me and removes me from his myspace list instead of letting me defend myself and fix the situation? I do understand the disorder, I ve read up on it a lot and listened to him describe it. However, I really could use advice from others dealing with people with the disorder firsthand.
You could be dealing with a lot more than IED here, and there s a lot more information you need to get about your friend. Have you asked him if he s tried medication to help him control his impulsivity (IED is actually an impulse control disorder, fyi)? Or if he s had any other type of therapy for this. I would think those two things would be of prime importance if you wish to continue this relationship. He has told you that his father and others in his family have had the same problems, but this may not actually be what they suffered from - they could have had multiple other problems such as bipolar disorder or other mood related disorders that caused great anger and impulsivity, other than IED. Have you ever asked him if he s gotten into drugs or had a serious head injury? Both of those can effect the seriousness of IED. So can traumatic experiences, as IED can be part of a PTSD problem.
Someone close to me had a head injury in the Army when serving in Vietnam. He has been affected with PTSD and IED since that time, and you are right when you say it is very difficult to deal with your friend. One thing you absolutely MUST KNOW is that you cannot, absolutely CANNOT be confrontive with him, try and defend yourself, or reason with him when he has an outburst. It simply will not register with him and it will actually make the outburst much worse. You will not be able to fix the situation while an outburst is taking place and probably should not hope to fix his problem for him as he has to be willing to do this himself. If this is truly IED, he will feel extremely remorseful and guilty after the event is over, and will probably try and contact you to apologize or want to talk then. That would be a better time to talk with him. The most important thing you could tell him is that he needs to get professional help on a continuing basis for this, before it get any worse. I have a tendency to think that because you say his problem is getting worse, he isn t doing this, or taking any medication for it. Encourage him to seek counseling and get on some type of medication to help him. Since he has what you call jealousy and sensitivity issues as well, medication and counseling would also help this.
You are certainly willing to take on a handful when you express a desire to keep helping your friend. What you must realize is that he has to be willing to help himself, or you ll just be spinning your wheels so to speak trying to help him. Unless he s open to do this, the situation is likely to remain the same.
When your friend ultimately contacts you (he probably will), try to get him to open up and tell you more about his background than you have stated here. The more you know about him, the easier it will be to understand him. You could seek out counseling yourself to learn how to handle (emotionally, for yourself) the hurtful things he says, and most likely get a lot more information on how to deal with him, if you are willing to stay connected to him. It s going to be a difficult thing on a continuous basis, and you will need to learn how to accept that.
Living in an emotionally abusive environment?I need advice on how to deal with my life. I am a straight A, award winning athlete, and am attending Michigan State University in the fall, and have an IQ of 136. I don t do drugs or drink and have received awards from the community and never been in legal trouble. Not even five minutes ago I just listened to my parents tell me all the reasons why I am going to fail at life and end up in prison. They said I wouldn t have gotten into college if it wasn t for my dad (he happens to be a State Representative). I got into every single in and out of state college I applied to with a total of about $20,000 in various scholarships. They also say they ve only seen me in the newspaper twice for my athletic accomplishments so apparently im a mediocre athlete. I have basically been the family punching bag. Im the oldest in the family both my parents hold advanced degrees. All they do is cheapen everything ive accomplished and say I have an explosive temper and its gonna get me trouble and im gonna shoot up MSU eventually. The reason they believe this is because I raise my voice when Im angry. I dont scream or throw a tantrum. I am very much in control, and believe it is a better to express my feelings this way then do what my family claims is the healthy thing to do which essentially is bottling up your emotions. This is what they do and as a result I have been hit in the head with a guitar, broom, punched in the face, stomach and everywhere else numerous times. And im lucky I know Krav Maga (form of self defense) because once my lil brother came at me with a kitchen knife. Now what I did to piss him off was pick up his guitar to borrow it because I thought there was possibly something wrong with mine or my amp. Now they constantly get off on what my brother has done: skipped a grade (I had an option but didnt want to), and scored a 30 on the ACT. These are the only two things he has done that didn t (again had the option but declined and best I could muster on the ACT was a mere 25 but a 1950 on the SAT). My parents take no interest in my life I virtually have been raising myself (I think I did a good job also am very social which is a surprise to me because normally in situations like this I would be pretty anti social) while my brother has been coddled all his life. I keep trying to tell myself boy are they gonna be sorry when I make it and he can t stand on his own because of how easy hes had it. I am scared of very few things (plan on climbing Everest (yes im serious love mountains), travel the world, spend time researching in the Artic Circle while working on my bachelor degree) but as a result of the treatment I have received I have noticed I am absolutely terrified of failure. Now they always respond to me I have it easy all my needs and most wants are met but still I can t seem to get them to realize this doesnt equal good parenting but honestly if it wasn t for some of my things I may have killed myself. Now I have never or plan to attempt it I am strictly stating from a hypothetical standpoint that if it wasn t for some things and my amazing friends things may have been very grim for me. Now I realize I will probably never have them treat me like I want them to. I realize this fall when I move out things will probably be better so I just need to survive until then. Also my some friends at school who don t really know my situation keep telling how great I have it. Now my question is would what im describing constitute abuse? Can you still be abused if you get most things you ask for eventually? My parents don t drink and are very well known members of my community this honestly makes me physically ill they put on this front in front of other people and it is just disgusting. The one thing I am happy about though is that through all this I feel I have come out emotionally healthy. I feel l could have become either excessively needy or emotionally closed off but I feel even though I do have some issues with those two problems I am dealing with them and found a decent balance. But what upsets me the most is I want what my brother has more than anything and I realize im prolly not gonna get it, and either consciously or not I am constantly searching for where I went wrong. I think I just need to get out.
You are at an age that you know what is right and wrong and you know that your parents methods of parenting werent right for you. You will be leaving the nest soon. Hopefully when you finish college you will have the opportunity to continue living independantly from your family. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be independant. Promise yourself that you will do the best you can so that you will not have any need in the future to go back to that environment. Later on if and when you decide to become a parent, you already know what didnt work for you and what you wont want your child/children to go through. Good Luck at university.